I love you hero

It’s already the third day, I still cannot accept what had already happen. The lovely king had leaved far away from us. Out of sudden everything seems so difficult to me. His emperor is falling down. His beloved queen is broken down. She look strong but she are not. I never see her cry like this before. She never stops crying since that day onward. Her eyes are always red. Prince and I promise, we will not cry infront of her anymore. She thinks a lot when we are not around. Her tears will start to drop. We always try to talk with her whenever she looks unstable. Ask her this and that act like a small child, just to distract and keep her from thinking too much. But she still will cry alone when we are not there with her. Sometime I do not know what else to say. I cannot do anything more than that. I feel so helpless. I cry out too. My heart is so pain, like someone is tearing it out. I scare I cannot stand on my own anymore. Act like I can make it through infront of her. I feel tire sometime. I know all my buddies are backing me up here. I am trying to be strong. But it’s really tough. I would like to thanks all my dear friends. I really do appreciate it. Even the one who finally show up. I do not dare to look at him. I do not know what to say. But deep inside my heart, I feel more depress. If I can only speak or get to see him on that occasion, I wish, I wish never ever get to see him for the rest of my life. Forever. I did not plan to tell him what happen. I suddenly feel like listen to his voice on that minute. Surprisingly, he called me after the message. I cannot believe it. When he spoke to me I know he already knew what happen. That’s why he will call. My tears are pumping out again. I cannot stop. I am numb. In my though “He’s just pitying me”. For him, it’s just a courtesy. There are too many things happen to me recently. I have made many big decisions. Mostly are wrong some are correct I think. Maybe I should let the king to make all the decision for me. He will always be the super hero when I need help. I know he will be there when I need him. I believe.

p/s: I love you

Ain't no dream

27^th of July 2008 5.26am, I had received a call from my cousin sister. I was awake. She asked me to pack my belonging and get ready to the airport around 7. She had booked me an air ticket because she said my father had just been admitted to the hospital. I cannot believe what have heard. Gosh, it’s not a dream. My father is having a heart attack. It’s the second times he stay at the hospital because of heart disease.

I cried out, the tears were pumping out. My hand was shaking while packing my things into the luggage. I do not know how to get to the airport, did not know exactly who will be fetching me but I keep packing. My friend woke up. I told her the situation and she helped me call a car. All the way to the airport, I can feel the tears are still hanging around inside my eyes. How can it be? Yesterday we just messaged each other. He told me he had post me the notes and Monday I will get all the notes plus a cute teddy bear for me. Though the teddy was just a joke, but I was so delight. My daddy is so cute.

The uncle who fetch did not want money from me. He knew why I am rushing to the airport early in the morning. Thank you, uncle. I really appreciate a lot. I reached the airport. I reach early. I’m sitting down waiting to check in. My mind was so blank then I start to think a lot. I scare to call my family again. My mom did not switch on her phone. I wish there is someone I can talk with. I even think of him. So, I start typing. This is the only way to stop me from over thinking or being negative. It’s now 7.12am. My plane will be departing on 9.45am and landing on 12.15pm. What I can do is just waiting. I will soon back to K.L. I love you dad.

p/s: i love you

Dream of you again..

My dreams are all about you recently

All our past tense memories came to me

Nightmare had found the way in

The thing that I always afraid of

You act like I'm annoying to you

Your words are so cruel and cold

like snowstorm starting to fall

how can I hope to stand?

there is the blizzard waiting to give me the knockout blow

Crying out with no tears

I don’t really know you anymore

Gosh, it’s a dream..